You Can't Food Shame the Shameless

Me too, buddy. Me too. 

You know, dieting is a lot of work. I spent 5 hours on Sunday grocery shopping and prepping our food for the week- cooking Chorizo and Sweet Potato casserole, grilling chicken sausage, hard-boiling eggs, washing and chopping veggies and fruit for salad and snacks.

And then Monday morning (Day 1), I remembered that I had planned to go to a book signing with a friend during lunch, and so I didn't bring any of the food I'd meticulously prepared the night before.

I went to work, heated up my casserole surprise, and opened up my calendar for the day to find...that the book signing is next Monday, which meant that I was now without lunch plans OR my Paleo lunch. Sigh.

Day 2 went more smoothly, except that I forgot the broccoli that I'd picked up yesterday for dinner in the refrigerator at work, which meant that we had to eat our salad that was supposed to be lunch today for dinner last night instead, which means I will have to go BACK TO WHOLE FOODS AGAIN to get salad stuff for the rest of the week.

In case you're counting, that'll be:

• Days elapsed since starting Paleo Diet: 3
• Trips to grocery store: 4

Maybe I should see if any of these diets help with early onset dementia?

Also, on Day 2, this happened:

To paraphrase Mr. H. J. Simpson:
 "Candy. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.  "

Yes, I recognize that this is old man candy, right up there with Necco wafers and Bit o'Honeys. And yes, I recognize that there are more productive ways to manage stress. But sometimes 12 little balls of malt-y, chocolate-y goodness just do it right up.

I felt bad about eating them, because I am trying to test out this diet and malt balls are not, strictly speaking, caveman food. But  this is a diet for humans, so I guess human failure will be an element of that.

Speaking of food shame...a couple of weeks ago, the New York Times ran an article inviting readers to Tweet in their favorite "guilty pleasure" foods. They got tons of responses, most of which have to do with cheese. You can read about it here.

from theoatmeal.com

The concept of a "guilty pleasure" is a fraught one. I don't believe that any food is inherently good or bad. But I just despise judgeyness about people's food choices. All of the comments I read on food blogs, and elevated in books like "Skinny Bitch", are so sanctimonious and completely off-putting.

Your food choices are like your religious beliefs. You are welcome to eat whatever you want, but please don't try to shame me into eating the same thing.

Is kale healthier for you than Doritos? Yes, of course. But you should be able to eat Doritos if you want them, without people coming down on you like you're killing puppies or stealing Christmas from orphans or whatever.

And PS- cheese is not a guilty pleasure. Cheese is cheese.

Of course, there are foods that I love that I wouldn't eat, say, on a job interview, for fear of giving the impression that I am secretly 14 years old (hint: I totally am).

Por ejemplo, I love Combos- ideally the crackery kind with the Cheez Whiz stuff in the middle. When we were training for Ironman, I always ate a package of those and a Slurpee after our long, hot bike rides.

Pssst- your cupcakes are showing...
from handbag.com

I love bread with lots of fresh salty butter, bacon, any and all cheese, and sea urchin, foie gras and tongue, but I'd never be ashamed of them.

The foods that I am embarrassed to love are the ones that I know are less foods and more "foods".

My top 5 "Just Because I'm Not Ashamed Doesn't Mean I'd Eat These on National Television" foods:

• Doritos
• Swedish Fish
• Oreo cookies
• Combos
• McDonald's hashbrowns 

Anyone else want to be brave and share? You don't have to share it with the NYTimes and its millions of readers- you can just share it with me and my... tens of readers (thanks to everyone who's been following this, by the way!)